"WHAT IF..."

"What if I cant make my parents proud with me?"

"What if everyone leave me?"

"What if one day, nothing left with me. Who will help me?"

I believe everyone start to overthinking as they growing up.

I kept thinking that kind of question since I'm in diploma life until now.  I'm lost. My friends left me and I don't have many friends. While in diploma life, I never experienced 'student life' like others. I think I never make my parents proud.

"Am I that bad?" or "Maybe I don't deserve any happiness."

A few months ago after graduate from diploma, I pray a lot these time that I can make my parents proud. A lot of my friends get a job after diploma and getting married. Only a few of us continue for a degree. On that time, I felt worst, why I choose to further my study despite of working? I keep blame myself and the worst part is, I blame god for everything. I start to think that God is not helping me.

But i'm wrong, totally wrong. A lot of my friends who are currently working hoping and want to continue study but maybe not now, they have a commitment need to be settle & the precious moment in my life when my parents being so proud with me and fully supporting internally and externally during in degree life. Why you cant be grateful for your wonderful life, yasmin? 

Something that I realize, amazing happens when we finally learn how to let go of the outcomes and the results to our efforts. He is the best planner. It also teach us how to trust, something most of us are not good at. The only difference in Tawakkul is that our trust is placed in the Almighty God; who manages the universe, as well as our affairs with such tenderness, love and unmatched compassion.

Love, YN